Intimidation, Much?

So, I'm feeling kind of intimidated by my amazingly awesome dinosaur buddy who's blog can be found here. So, I've decided to start posting here more. These aren't going to be the postings of genius that I admit I kind of thought that I would post here in my general and idealistic imaginations of what I would do when I had a blog. Instead, it's just going to be my feelings/worries/thoughts at the moment. Starting...now.

1. Intimidation- explained ^up there^

2. Relief, but with a touch of nervousness still- MY HUMAN GEOGRAPHY TEST IS OVER. That is a huge weight off of my shoulders. Suddenly, I can talk to my parents, they're not always angry at me, and everything just seems a little brighter. I've gone back to my optimism.

3. Sympathy/Worry/Empathy- to all my friends. They're all going through their respective problems right now, and I'm really worried about some of them. Next to them, I feel like I'm blowing my little problems way out of proportion. But then, I tend to keep all my problems buried deep. One of my friends remarked a few weeks ago that up until then, she had never seen me cry. I feel like some things just eat me from the inside, and I need to let some of it out or I might explode. But then, when I let it out, especially at home, it seems like things just get worse and worse. That's why I started keeping it all inside, and that's a hard habit to break. I guess that's really off topic, but I need to get it out. Anyway, some of the problems that I have buried down there have a lot to do with what some of them are going through, but I just don't know what to tell them. I also feel like there's so much that I don't know, and I feel like I should be helping them.

4. Guilt- for nothing in particular, but everything in general. For feeling like I don't know what all my friends are going through, and so not helping. For feeling like I'm making things worse. For not knowing what to say. For feeling all this guilt for things that I can't control. For not studying maybe as much as I could have. For leaving speech and debate early. For not feeling prepared for Okefenokee. For not letting all this out sooner. For having to fight myself to let it out now. For nothing in particular, but everything in general.

5. Change- I've changed so much since last year. I suddenly take a long time on all my tests. I care too much about everything. And I've turned into a junior optimist. I try to look at the bright side, but then I'll just get too stressed. The thing that I'm stressed about will pass, and I'll go back to optimism. This is why I keep a lot of things hidden. My subconscious keeps telling me that my problems are insignificant compared to my friends, so I should bury mine and just help them with theirs. Then they start to eat me up, I feel more stress, more guilt, and everything spirals down. Enter, blog. This is now going to be the place where I will lay everything on the line. Congratulations, reader, you get to read it. Good luck.