I feel like I need to blog, but I don't really know what to blog about. Quelle surprise. I've had a lot of things rolling around my mind lately, a lot of them old stuff that I haven't talked about in a while, and some things that I've always known but just recently realized how soon I could come to face it.
1. My friends. I feel like they've been stressing me out way more than usual lately. Most of the stress is from wanting to help them, but we've all been stressed out by the test that we had on Wednesday, so there's been some tension going around too. Also, I keep feeling like I'm caught between two groups of people. I felt like that at the end of last year, too. It's not that they don't like each other or something, but they just don't hang out together or really have the same interests or anything. My best friends hang out with two different circles of people and I feel like I'm caught in the middle. It's like a balancing act, and I don't know how long I can keep it up, but I can't stand what will happen if I can't. I don't want to lose any of them.
2. My parents. I always get in little fights with my Mom, especially when I'm stressed and she just says something that adds to my stress, but I love my parents. And I've always known that they were much older than my friends' parents, especially my Dad. But, I only really realized that he's turning 69 this year. I just realized how cheated I feel that I won't have my parents as long as most people. I don't know how to say it, but sometimes I just feel...cheated.
3. My horse. I know that a lot of people are going to look at this and scoff, because it's just an animal and all that, but to me he wasn't. My pony, my Mickey had to be put down on June 24, 2010. It was really sudden and the worst part was that I was on my way home from vacation, and had stopped in Boston. We got the call that morning, and I didn't get home until 11:00 that night. I've cried myself to sleep more times than I can count this year and he never really leaves my thoughts. The worst part is, that when I'm feeling like that is exactly the time that I would've gone to the barn just to give him a hug and he would have cheered me up just by being his fat, fuzzy self. I miss him so much that I can't even write it. He's been on my mind all summer, but lately I've been thinking about him more and more. Maybe it's the stress, I don't know, but I can't stop. I haven't been able to go to his grave since the week after he died, but now I feel like I want to. I just can't find the time, because I know that I'll be a wreck when I get home. Then, today, my Mom sent me a link to a website where you can order jewelry made from your horse's tail. Now, I'm writing this. Great, now I've gone and made myself cry again. So, I'll just stop now.
Hopefully, I can stop thinking about all these sad, sad things now. Over and out.
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